Welcome to the one major awards show where stars are encouraged to go crazy with their fashion! Except everyone just wore black gowns anyway. 

Best Dressed: LADY GAGA
gown by Marc Jacobs, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz

I knew Gaga was going to do Bowie justice with her tribute performance, but I wasn’t prepared for her to hit the red carpet in full Bowie drag. (Though, in retrospect, I should have been.) I have no complaints about this space oddity of a gown – and for once, I even love the eight-inch platforms. The hair and makeup? Fuckin’ flawless. Thank you for being you, Lady Gaga.

Runner-Up: JANELLE MONAE
dress by Jean Paul Gaultier

If Janelle Monae is at an event, she’s almost certainly getting placed among the best dressed of the night. The Grammys were no exception. I’m not even sure I know what the hell I’m looking at, but I do know that I love it, and her. Few people put more thought and creativity into their ensembles. Let’s dive into the details, since Janelle (and/or an army of fierce stylists) worked so hard to put them together:

It makes you really loathe the basic bitches in black gowns, doesn’t it? Everything down to Janelle’s goddamn manicure is on point. She’s got more personality and fashion sense in her fingertips than most starlets displayed from head to toe. I don’t know what we did to deserve Janelle Monae, but we need to keep doing it.

Honorable Mention: FLORENCE WELCH
gown by Gucci

I would have laughed my ass off at this dress on anyone else, but Florence and Gucci is always a match made in heaven. Even when she’s basically wearing a fussy little girl’s nightgown.

THE WEEKND and BELLA HADID
suit by Givenchy
gown by Alexandre Vauthier, jewelry by Bulgari, shoes by Alexander Wang

If you’re going to wear all black, this is how it’s done. I usually loathe the bracelets-over-sleeves trend, but Bella makes it look badass. These two are goddamn gorgeous together.

TAYLOR SWIFT
top and skirt by Atelier Versace, shoes by Stuart Weitzman

My boss emailed me the Buzzfeed article about everything T.Swift looked like at the Grammys, which is my way of saying that my boss is cooler than your boss. I’m in favor of the bob, the bright colors, and the general fuck-off attitude she’s serving here. If only her opening performance had a fraction of this much joy and personality, the Grammys might actually have been worth watching!

SELENA GOMEZ
gown by Calvin Klein

She’s not exactly reinventing the wheel, but Selena looks breathtaking, and I’m a sucker for sapphire, so I’ll give her a pass.

KACEY MUSGRAVES
gown by Armani Privé

She needed a necklace and a different hairstyle to really make this dress work, but it is Cate Blanchett levels of fan-fucking-tastic. And that’s about as high a compliment as I can muster.

ZENDAYA COLEMAN
tuxedo by Dsquared²

Note to all people who are not Zendaya: you will NOT look good in a mullet, so don’t even try. Zendaya has that malleable fashionista aesthetic that makes all sorts of insanity look cool AF, but us mortals do not. And I like that this felt just a little bit Bowie-inspired without looking like one of Gaga’s performance costumes.

CHRISSY TEIGEN and JOHN LEGEND
gown by Yousef Al-Jasmi, purse by Amanda Pearl
suit by Gucci

They’re so beautiful together, it’s not even fair. She gets points for wearing tight white fabric while carrying a full-sized fetus, and his jacket is divine.

CARRIE UNDERWOOD
gown by Nicolas Jebran

For Carrie, this is actually almost interesting. But why, why, WHY would you save your basic black gown for the awards show where it’s socially acceptable to go totally bananas? I know it’s not Ms. Underwood’s style to show up in something completely out-there, but it would have been so nice to see her – and basically everyone else who wore a black gown – really have fun with her wardrobe. Remember fun? You might not be able to tell this from like 7/8ths of the broadcast, but the Grammys are actually supposed to be fun.

SAM SMITH
suit by Thom Sweeney

He looks like a sexy banker.

ADELE
gown by Givenchy

Beautiful, but COLORS EXIST, ADELE! And I swear they will be good to you!

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO
gown by Atelier Versace

She has worn a slight modification of this gown to every event for the last year.

DEMI LOVATO
jacket and skirt by Norisol Ferrari, jewelry by Loree Rodkin

Demi Lovato, you are WAY TOO AWESOME for an outfit this forgettable.

CIARA
gown by Alexandre Vauthier

I’m fine with stars going half-nude at the Grammys, but I just don’t really want to see the place where your leg meets your groin. I’m not a prude, that’s just a really odd part of your body to put center-stage.

BEYONCÉ KNOWLES
gown by Inbal Dror

Admit it – you only like this because it’s Beyoncé.

ANNA KENDRICK
gown by Emanuel Ungaro

Not you too, Anna! The curse of the boring black gown strikes again.

ELLIE GOULDING
gown by Stella McCartney, jewelry by Bulgari

This fits her terribly, and even though I can only see a tiny bit of her shoes, I have a feeling they are shiny platforms that I hate.

KALEY CUOCO
jumpsuit by Naeem Khan

Fire everyone who saw you before you arrived at this event, Kaley. You’ll thank me later.

ARIANA GRANDE
gown by Romona Keveza, purse by Jimmy Choo

It’s like she’s trying to get me not to like her. Which she really doesn’t need to do – between her high ponytails and her inability to enunciate, I already kind of hate this girl. I didn’t need this basic of a gown to convince me to be completely unimpressed by Ariana Grande. I know this isn’t less aesthetically pleasing than some of the other looks, but I think it might be the only thing less original than a black gown with side cut-outs.

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© Democracy Diva, 2016.
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