Go stand near a body of water and put your hand on your hip. BOOM! You’re ready for the Cannes photocalls.

NATALIE PORTMAN at the A Tale of Love and Darkness photocall
dress by Rodarte

Is this a #tbt to before Natalie only wore monochromatic Dior, and was actually an interesting person to follow on the red carpet? I haven’t seen her in something this unique since the Black Swan press tour, and that was five years ago. She’s got the elegance and grace to carry this strange little dress, and she smartly kept the styling to a minimum so as not to overwhelm all that detailing.

SIENNA MILLER at the Cannes jury photocall
dress by Balenciaga

Glorious. Though I’m surprised to see so many decidedly fall-winter outfits during Cannes, which is usually the time when celebrities turn out in resort gowns and pastels.

EMMA STONE at the Irrational Man photocall
dress by Oscar de la Renta, shoes by Christian Louboutin

The lace neckline and sleeves are so beautiful, I want to cry. It’s another dress with a lot going on, but Emma’s another starlet who smartly restrained herself on accessories to let the clothes do the talking.

DIANE KRUGER at the Maryland photocall
dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Adorable dress, killer hair. And the buttons on those sleeves? CUTEST.

EMILY BLUNT at the Sicario photocall
dress by Peter Pilotto, shoes by Jimmy Choo

I’m not sure the makeup works with the dress, but I’m living for this geometric print. And I love that the shoes bring out the yellow and green block in the dress

LÉA SEYDOUX at the Lobster photocall
dress by Prada

The bows on the shoulders are kind of an awkward detail, and while I love the shoes, I don’t think they’re right for this dress. But Léa always seems to be having fun with her wardrobe, which I respect and appreciate.

CHERYL FERNANDEZ-VERSINI at Nice airport
dress and sunglasses by Fendi, boots by Givenchy

I NEED THOSE SUNGLASSES RIGHT GODDAMN NOW.

AISHWARYA RAI at the Jazbaa photocall
gown by Oscar de la Renta

Ugh, why isn’t my life just standing on a boat, looking fierce, and matching my lipstick to my dress? I would be so good at that, you guys.

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY and NAOMI WATTS at the Sea of Trees photocall
Matthew’s suit by Dolce & Gabbana
Naomi’s dress by Peter Pilotto, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Poor Naomi. It’s like she knows standing that close to Matthew’s beard and printed scarf put her at a heightened risk for hepatitis C.

MINDY KALING at the Inside Out photocall
dress by Roksanda

The colorblocking is better in theory than in execution – the asymmetry doesn’t look intentional, it just seems like she has two different people’s arms attached to her.

MINDY KALING at the Inside Out photocall
dress by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Saint Laurent

A pretty dress, but the shoes are absolutely ridiculous with it.

SALMA HAYEK at the Il Racconto dei Racconti photocall
dress by Alexander McQueen

Like Mindy, Salma chose a red-and-black floral McQueen dress. She looks lovely, but it’s not particularly memorable, and I really don’t want those round-toed platform pumps to come back in style. They make everyone’s feet look like hooves.

CATE BLANCHETT at the Carol photocall
dress and jacket by Alexander McQueen

I think this would have been a killer outfit for a Cannes party, but at a daytime event, it’s a LOT to look at. All black and a leather jacket in the summer is intense for a photocall, but the sheer detailing in particular seems to require a setting sun and a cocktail.

RACHEL WEISZ at the Youth photocall
dress by Chloé

The texture is great; everything is a snoozefest.

RACHEL WEISZ at the Lobster photocall
jumpsuit by Narciso Rodriguez

I just want to run up to her and poke her in the belly, Pillsbury Doughboy-style.

CHARLIZE THERON at the Mad Max: Fury Road photocall
dress by Valentino

Seriously, what the fuck is with all the long sleeves and black leather? It was over 75 degrees and sunny every goddamn day, and there are boats in the background of every picture. How are we still pretending it’s fall?

ROONEY MARA at the Carol photocall
dress by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Stuart Weitzman

She’s only worn this, what, ten million times before?

CHANEL IMAN at the Dope photocall
dress by Zimmermann

Why are awkwardly-shaped upper-tummy cut-outs a thing? Is it to prove you’re so thin that you still look great even with the world’s least flattering shape on you? If so, Chanel, you’re a runway model. We know you’re thin. Just wear normal things, okay?

MARION COTILLARD at the Macbeth photocall
jumpsuit by Ulyana Sergeenko

Did I accidentally ingest some crack with my coffee this morning, or is this really happening?

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© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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